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Beside myself

Our IVF cycle failed. I ovulated too early despite the medicine I was taking to supress ovulation. The chance of ovulating while taking that medicine was 1.5% and it happened to me, two days before my scheduled egg retrieval. I am so sad. I went through all the shots and side effects and driving hours and hours to appointments for nothing. Feel sick. Don't know what to do. When will I get to have a baby?

Sorry if this post is TMI, but I don't care right now.

20 comments:

ami said...

I'm so sorry, Kira. As far as TMI goes, I totally believe that no one should be silenced, so in my opinion, there's no such thing as TMI, especially on your own blog! I hope you're getting the support you need, in real life and online. Do you know about the mothering.com boards? They're really supportive folks, and there's message boards specifically for women trying to conceive and struggling with infertility. I had two miscarriages last year, and really appreciated being about to talk to other women about that in the pregnancy loss forum. I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Tina said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your in my thoughts.

Dina said...

I saw this posting and just had to make a comment. I follow your post and love what you do. You are talented, creative, and I know great things are ahead of you in your future. I dont want to be the one to tell you MY story, god how I hated when people did that for me. However, I did IVF after 5 years of unexplained infertility. It worked on my first cycle, but my point is to not get discouraged. Dont give up. It will happen. I know the countless doctor appointments, shots, medicine, ugh..I get it. Anyway, keep your chin up and I know we will be hearing some baby news in the future.

Heather said...

Oh Kira, I am so sorry. I wish I had the right words to help ease the pain you are feeling right now. Stay strong even through the trials, even though you have had enough. Heavenly Father knows you and the challenges you are facing and He loves you more than you know. Go to Him in prayer. His comfort is what will get you through the hard times.

Lisa said...

Kira, I'm so sorry. I understand your frustration and the unanswered questions and... the angry tears. I empathize, I really do. It's sucky. Sending big love, girl. Oxo.

Stitchlaw said...

I cannot possibly imagine what you are going through or feeling, but I feel for your heartbreak. If there is balance in this world, I hope the good you hve sent out into the world will come back to you. You are on an impossibly difficult journey, which I hope brings you what you desire.

ramona said...

I am so sorry.

Laura said...

I can't pretend to imagine how you feel and I don't think anything I can say will make any difference right now but I simply can't read this and say nothing.
I hate that you are going through this.
Please know that I am thinking of you and your man and will continue to...
Big love x

Basement Stamper said...

Kira: My hugs go out to you. While I never got as far as IVF, I went through 2.5 yrs of infertility treatments before conceiving and I know the emotional/physical turmoil both partners go through. The best thing I had was friends going through the same thing....it helped me to get through those failed months. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and praying for your dream to come true.

KLC said...

Please accept my deepest sympathy.

Jeanine Nichols said...

So sorry Kira; love to you both from us!

Diane Mars said...

Oh I am so sorry, I bet that is one of the biggest let downs, I don't have the words to say but I wanted to let you know that you have a lot of Blog friends that do care. Hugs, Diane

PB said...

My deepest sympathy Kira. ~PB

Nessa the Procrastinator said...

Kira, ugh... there are no words except this really sucks, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. When I go another month with no baby, I always think, "it just means I'll appreciate it even more when it does happen." Very little consolation, I know. I'm thinking of you, and I just so hope it happens for you soon!

jengd said...

So sorry that it all went the way it did. Keeping my fingers crossed for you for whatever your next steps are. Definitely not too much TMI either!

Eugenia said...

You are so brave. Never ever give up.

Kathi said...

Sorry to read your news. I wish there was an easy way to soothe your sadness and make the hurt and anger disappear.

It's good that you vented and judging from the responses you've gotten, you have your fans/readers' support.

{{((Hugs))}}

Kitkat said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I very much empathise and although I haven't gone through IVF I have been through a long stretch of trying for a baby and now realising that this may not be a possibility. For me thats due to my health and medication but hopefully for you the next attempt will give you success. On the issue of TMI - please don't worry. Its the blog posts that people make in those moments that often touch the most people. I think you've been honest and if you can't be honest on your own blog then where can you x

Dame Jeanne Marie said...

Hi Kira - I would just like to echo the thoughts and prayers of the other lovely women. Please do not give up...as long as should can afford not to.
- my husband and I got so frustrated with the whole process that we started doing foster care. We ended up adopting a baby and her little brother. I thank God for these two beautiful children. I guess this was what God meant or us...wasn't exactly what we had in mind, but just another sign that we do not control our own destiny.
God bless you in your journey and please b open to any and all opportunities for a family!!!!

Dame Jeanne Marie said...

P.s. I love your art and I'm sure you will be a great Mom some day. Your child will be blessed to have you as a Mom!!